* (Today’s Satire) According to research of human DNA, if a person eats more that five pieces of toast a day, then they are probably "in bread". * Earlier today, I bought some bread and brought it home, and now I can't find it. I'm looking for a loaf in all the wrong places!!! * If a man has lunch with a set of twins, but he doesn’t pay for any of their meals, does that mean he went double Dutch?
I always worry when a woman sees me naked for the first time . . . That she is just going to scream and run out of the park. / I have the memory of an elephant. When I was a child I went to the zoo and saw an elephant. - Gary Delaney
A ventriloquist in Illinois was arrested for distributing anti-government propaganda at Starbucks. They're trying to make a case against him, but his accomplice refuses to talk. - WomensSuite.com
Daily Funnies: My Doctor told me to loose weigh. I said how, cakes, fries? He said no, just don‘t eat anything fatty. What sort of things? Then he said, “Don’t eat anything fatty.” - Gary Delaney / I have the memory of an elephant. When I was a child I went to the zoo and saw an elephant. - Gary Delaney
Daily Funnies: My neighbors recently made a sex tape. Obviously they don’t know that yet. - Gary Delaney. Every Christmas day we have Pigs in a Blanket. Or as you may call it, Relatives in the spare room. - Gary Delaney